Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Love Letters

I was perusing the internet looking for Valentines Day inspiration when I came across the following little gems of advice. These are actually out there, along with a startling array of other wonderful oddities.

Advice on writing love letters...(obviously I have added a few little notes of my own)

Be Original. Just write down your true feelings and we assure you, your beloved will find it the bestest love letter in the world. - 'you're the best thing ever, I can really get to grips with your 'love handles darling'... are you certain about this?

Arrange for Some Mushy Stationery. It will make the love letter seem even lovelier. Also, remember that the paper should be of good quality and long lasting. - you might like to try the 'fire' test prior to using it. Does it burn well?

Don't Use Complicated Words. Don't try to impress your beloved by flaunting a very complex vocabulary, which he/she may not even understand.- do you think I'm lovely, do you think I'm sexy.. do you think I'm stupid.

Don't Make It Too Long. A ten pages long letter will eventually turn off your beloved. - ok, so he has the attention span of a gnat, he's not a great reader and he doesn't understand complicated words. You're not asking him to help you with your crossword in bed.

Date your love letter. So that after many years when you will look at it again, it will bring back all the lovely memories. - oh especially when the paternity tests come back.

Closing of the letter should be done in a very romantic manner. Sign off as Always Yours, Yours Lovingly, etc. - ah so, your loving 'stud donkey' isn't appropriate then?

Please make sure that you have not made any grammatical mistakes in the love letter. - WHAT!! Whose going to be checking it.

and finally some ideas for 'love notes'...

  1. I Love You! - very original.

  2. Without you, I am lost! - then get a map dear.

  3. If it weren't for you, I would have never known what it feels to love and be loved! - he's just trying to get into your knickers?

  4. You may not be the perfect lover in the world. But, You are THE PERFECT ONE for me! - well why don't you just slap him in the old trouser department with a wet kipper... it will have exactly the same effect.

  5. With each passing moment, my love for you grows more and more and more! - yes dear, a bunch of roses would have done fine, see note 4 above!

  6. Whenever I wanted any support, I always found you by my side. Thanks for being there all the time! - you've got a stalker.

  7. I love you from the moment I came into this life and will continue to do so till eternity! - Happy Valentines day mum, your loving son Oedipus R. xx

  8. You are no longer only my love. In fact, you have become my life and I have started living you! - he literally wants to get inside your knickers, especially the red frilly pair ;0)

You should also check out these 'love messages' on the same site as the above advice, they should come with an advisory notice.. 'don't take their advice'.


12 at confession:

Stinkypaw said...

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Getting a love letter like any of those, I think I'd be seriously worried!

Pendullum said...

Loving Stud Donkey???

I think that if all else fails you can print out Kevin Charnas' Valentine greeting and give it with the bestest of wishes...

Happy Valentines' Day to you,too!!!

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'll let you eat my nuts if you pick the nits from my fur.

That's not an offer, St Jude, it's just a typical Valentine message in my part of the jungle.

St Jude said...

Stinkypaw: Happy Valentines to you. I just realised honey that I didn't have your link in my list. I've remedied it asap.

Pendullum: 'Stud Donkey', too much detail perhaps ;0} Kevin just makes me roll with laughter.

Gorilla Bananas: phew! I'm a saint you had me worried there for a bit. LOL

Kim Ayres said...

Valentine's Day was a nightmare when I was young and single. Either I would be reminded that no-one loved me, or, even worse, I would get an anonymous card so was driven to insanity by the fact that someone out there fancied me but I had no idea who.

Life was so much easier once I was in a long term relationship.

Beth said...

Re: the Love Notes. What about the classic, "You are my one and only!"

Your one and only what??

Sven said...

How about this?

St Jude said...

Kim: I've been there too.

Beth: LOL, Hmm.

Sven: are you 'pimping' here ;0) As I have big respect for you and Kristen then go for it. Happy Valentines day to the both of you.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

UGH! I detest such mushiness! Can you even imagine receiving a letter like that....I mean, with any of those? I am so completely NOT sentimental...that makes Valentine's Day a stretch for me! Now, if Mr. Mayhem wants to buy me a gift....who am I to deny him that privilege? But, I can certainly live without the mushy sentiment!

Stinkypaw said...

Well thank you for the link, I updated my list as well. :-)

Kate said...

LMAO @ your annotations.

Do people actually send this stuff to each other? I hope not, it all looks hugely embarrassing.

St Jude said...

Queen of Mayhem: I'm with you on the mushy stuff.

Stinkypaw:thank you and you are most welcome.

Kate: It is truly scary that someone would need to use these, but then after some of the sites I 'trawled' there are some sad people out there. :0)

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