Love Letters

I was perusing the internet looking for Valentines Day inspiration when I came across the following little gems of advice. These are actually out there, along with a startling array of other wonderful oddities.

Advice on writing love letters...(obviously I have added a few little notes of my own)

Be Original. Just write down your true feelings and we assure you, your beloved will find it the bestest love letter in the world. - 'you're the best thing ever, I can really get to grips with your 'love handles darling'... are you certain about this?

Arrange for Some Mushy Stationery. It will make the love letter seem even lovelier. Also, remember that the paper should be of good quality and long lasting. - you might like to try the 'fire' test prior to using it. Does it burn well?

Don't Use Complicated Words. Don't try to impress your beloved by flaunting a very complex vocabulary, which he/she may not even understand.- do you think I'm lovely, do you think I'm sexy.. do you think I'm stupid.

Don't Make It Too Long. A ten pages long letter will eventually turn off your beloved. - ok, so he has the attention span of a gnat, he's not a great reader and he doesn't understand complicated words. You're not asking him to help you with your crossword in bed.

Date your love letter. So that after many years when you will look at it again, it will bring back all the lovely memories. - oh especially when the paternity tests come back.

Closing of the letter should be done in a very romantic manner. Sign off as Always Yours, Yours Lovingly, etc. - ah so, your loving 'stud donkey' isn't appropriate then?

Please make sure that you have not made any grammatical mistakes in the love letter. - WHAT!! Whose going to be checking it.

and finally some ideas for 'love notes'...

1. 
   I Love You! - very original.


2. 
   Without you, I am lost! - then get a map dear.


3. 
   If it weren't for you, I would have never known what it feels to love and be loved! - he's just trying to get into your knickers?


4. 
   You may not be the perfect lover in the world. But, You are THE PERFECT ONE for me! - well why don't you just slap him in the old trouser department with a wet kipper... it will have exactly the same effect.


5. 
   With each passing moment, my love for you grows more and more and more! - yes dear, a bunch of roses would have done fine, see note 4 above!


6. 
   Whenever I wanted any support, I always found you by my side. Thanks for being there all the time! - you've got a stalker.


7. 
   I love you from the moment I came into this life and will continue to do so till eternity! - Happy Valentines day mum, your loving son Oedipus R. xx


8. 
   You are no longer only my love. In fact, you have become my life and I have started living you! - he literally wants to get inside your knickers, especially the red frilly pair ;0)

You should also check out these 'love messages' on the same site as the above advice, they should come with an advisory notice.. 'don't take their advice'.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE