Saturday, February 18, 2006

Little Pearls of Wisdom

When you are a parent you start to develop certain skills. Some of them are really useful, like how make a space shuttle out of a washing up bottle, toilet rolls, and milk bottle tops, or how to make a bunny out of a handkerchief then make it run up your arm. How to speak fluent teletubbie, even at work!

There are also the pearls of wisdom we impart to them as they're growing up.

a) Don't stick your fingers in plug sockets, it makes your hair frizzy and then it's a bugger to style.
b) Always make sure you're wearing clean underwear when you go out. You may get hit by a bus. (Mm that's ok if you don't see it coming. I have to be honest if I saw a bus heading towards me, well I don't think I'm alone on that one..)
c) Girls, only shave the bottom half of your legs on a first date. It's better than a chastity belt!
d) Boys, a quick tickle with a damp flannel doesn't cut it. Pheromones are not the same as B.O.
e) It's never a good idea to boost the contents of your bra with socks, especially if your dad was wearing them the day before.
f) The first time you sneak off to get drunk don't drink Creme de Menthe or the antifreeze lookilike alchopop. The vomit stains are virtually impossible to get off the carpet.
g) And finally, when you're 19 years old and about to tell your mother she's going to be a grandma, don't start the conversation off with, "Mum, you'll look back on this one day and laugh."

(Ok so maybe my son was right on the last one).


1 at confession:

Attila The Mom said...

Oh DEAR! LOL I bet you were an absolute hoot to grow up with! I'm really enjoying your writings.

P.S. My husband is dying to know. Was the agent really named Starling? ;-)

 
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