Thursday, January 26, 2006


I was talking to my daughter the other day about moving back to the north. She has a boyfriend down here and I was attempting to find out if she is likely to change her mind and stay here as they seem to be getting a bit serious. Or perhaps were they thinking of him moving north too.

"No I don't think he would move north, he says he will but he's too much of a mama's boy, but I'm a mama's girl I wouldn't think of leaving you." she replied blithely.

Aah that's nice you may be thinking. No it isn't, she's twenty one, oh my God what have I done. At what point are they supposed to strike out on their own? When can I cut the apron strings? When can I have a cosy night in with his Lordship without having to fight her for the TV remote or trying to get her to sit on the sofa as apposed to draping herself across it.

You know I'm seriously thinking of proposing the introduction of parent/child contracts, it's issued when they are born, something along the lines of:

a) I will promise to love, respect and obey my parents, in return they will promise to love, respect and bail me out financially at all times.
b) I will not hold public burping/farting contests with my friends whilst my mother is buying knickers in M&S (this applies to both sexes), in return they will not discuss my potty training habits with prospective significant other halves.
c) I will not disclose details of the time I walked in on my parents mid rumpy pumpy, and in return they will not get drunk or attempt to dance at any of my birthday partys.
d) I will always pick up my dirty washing and keep my bedroom floor clear, and in return my Mother will only moan at me once a week, instead of daily, to tidy my room.
e) I will not attempt to give my Mother food poisoning on Mothers Day by feeding her raw eggs, because I am not allowed to use the cooker and in return my Father will promise to get up and do the cooking for me. (This one might be a bit tricky.)
f) I will endeavour to leave home at the earliest possible opportunity and in return my parents will not telephone me every day to see if I am eating properly, getting enough sleep, or have met 'anyone' nice.

It works for me!
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