Monday, May 22, 2006

Life on the Mean Streets. + Addendum

I started my new job today. It was fun. I arrived at the allotted time and was sent up to the office of my new line manager. She's very nice and so we had a little chat by way of introduction and induction rolled into one. I have to say that it was the shortest induction I've ever had, they certainly expect you to hit the ground running. Everything was going well until she started to talk about security...

"I'll get you issued with a swipe card so that you can access the lift and the gate at the bottom of the stairs," she said, "you'll get your photo id by the end of the week."

"Ok" I nodded.

"Now there are a couple of little things for you to remember. If someone should try to get into the lift with you, make sure they are wearing a photo id. If not politely explain that you can't let them in as you don't know them."

I nodded.

"It's very important that you don't allow anyone unauthorised anywhere in the building other than the reception area. That's their area. I mean you don't want to find yourself in the lift with a rapist or someone pulling a gun on you."

"WHAT"? The colour was quickly draining from my face as I stammered, "nobody mentioned guns, no I'd remember if they had mentioned guns, and rapists, I mean I think I would have made a mental note of rapist," I was beginning to ramble.

"Well dear, you are working with... shall I say the 'underclass' of society, these people don't think twice about carrying guns and knives, and they don't think twice about using them."

"Yes, yes I know, but why on earth don't you employ security guards, what's wrong with a couple of meaty blokes on the door checking that no one is carrying anything they shouldn't? It sounds perfectly reasonable to me." I was definitely rambling.

"Oh no, no dear," she replied shaking her head, "we need to make them feel 'safe', they need to know that they are welcomed here." She said earnestly. For heaven's sake, she actually meant it!

"Right," I mumbled. "I understand, I'll smile respectfully and make them feel welcome."

"That's the ticket dear, I'm glad you understand." She beamed

Too flaming right I understand, these people can terrorise society, live outside the normal constraints and morals, but still we have to respect their right to be treated in the same way that any 'regular' member of society would want to be treated. Never mind that they don't understand or wish to comply with the usual 'rules'. But of course I do have to remember that I should be safe in the knowledge that I am armed in the face of guns, knives, and other offensive weapons, not to mention rapists and child molesters... I am of course armed with my trusty swipe card. No need for my black belt in judo then, phew!!

23rd May - Addendum

Today I had to complete my emergency contact details.

Ques 4. Is there anything else that you wish to be taken into account should you become ill, have an accident or be taken hostage whilst at work?

Yes... I would like a change of underwear a.s.a.p. should I be taken hostage!!!!

I bet you want to know what the heck my new job is now don't you. Sorry I'm honestly not allowed to tell. Nor will I be talking about specifics of events / clients. However, work colleagues might be another matter ;o)

20 at confession:

Jay said...

Do you suppose they make special welcome mats for rapists specifically? Because I'm not so sure that they deserve the warmest of welcomes.

Be safe.

Kate said...

"Oh no, no dear," she replied shaking her head, "we need to make them feel 'safe', they need to know that they are welcomed here."

Well, of course they do, they can't have the poor little flowers feeling unwelcome. Why, that would be tantamont to saying they had done something wrong. Oh, wait, they have.

Meg said...

That's ridiculous. Things like that just really anger me. They come in with guns, but it's okay that other people are put in danger, as long as the bad guys feel safe and welcome? Der.

Attila The Mom said...

Holy smokes! Would they let you carry your own personal taser? ;-)

St Jude said...

I have discovered today whilst reading the staff handbook that there are panic alarms! Nobody told me. Everyone seems quite blase, but I don't know whether that is a case of familiarity breeding contempt, or whether it isn't anything to concern myself about.

Nikki said...

I thought I had already left a comment.

Hubby and I read this together last night. Neither of us could believe it

Rhonda said...

It would be possible you work with my other-half, were you not in a different country.

But, they do give him a panic alarm if, when he is attacked, he happens to be sitting at his desk.

On the plus side he loves his job. I hope you will too.

Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

I'm guessing here what your job might be.....

If I work it out you don't have to say yes or know. Just nod slightly in my direction and I'll understand

St Jude said...

Nikki: read the addendum, it just keeps getting better:o)

Rhonda: For all I have said in the post, I really think I'm going to enjoy it. It's so diverse and interesting.

St Jude said...

Dr McC: Hmm!!

Cherrypie said...

I'm guessing at least a couple of your colleagues are the comfy-shoe, non-deodorant-wearing, woolly-legged variety.

Good Luck, Jude.

Cherrypie said...

I'm guessing at least a couple of your colleagues are the comfy-shoed, non-deodorant-wearing, woolly-legged variety.

I'm sure you'll be fine. Remember - they are more scared of you than...!

Beki said...

It sounds like an episode of Spooks! Don't let anyone put your head in a deep fat fryer..

I hope the salary is good. I think i'll stick to freelancing :)

St Jude said...

Cherrypie: 'We' have a policy of inclusion, so there is a gammet of 'types', I can actually be very scary when I want, (or so his Lordship tells me). I wasn't joking about the black belt. There was a time when we were registered as 'lethal weapons'. Mind you it's been a while.

St Jude said...

Beki: I don't do fried food!!

The pay is ok. I've reached a point in life where it's more about interest and what can I give over what can I get. That doesn't mean that the pay is not important, but I've done the 'career' world jetsetting scene. Been there seen it, done it. It was fun, now I want to contribute.

Nikki said...

HOSTAGE? I have no idea what you do, and I don't want to come visit you at work either, even if it was permitted.

The Poodle's Friend said...

The addendum is fascinating. Well, at least they're open about the risks, aren't they? =)

Pete said...

"Oh no, no dear," she replied shaking her head, "we need to make them feel 'safe', they need to know that they are welcomed here."

sorry haven't gone back and read the whole blog but do you work in local government?

I've encountered that attitude!

St Jude said...

Nikki & TPF: I have discovered over the last few days that my workplace is like fort knox.

Pete: thanks for dropping by. I couldn't possibly comment;0)

Meg said...

My curiosity is piqued. I left some clues in my latest post as to what my new job is. It's too hard to lie all the time.

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