Saturday, October 24, 2009

Frock Horror - An Impromptu Little Cultural Exercise.

Do you ever feel like the forces are conspiring against you?

It has been raining here quite heavily at times over the past week.. I know here in blighty who would have dreamed. Anyway at the weekend I bought myself a rather nice frock for work. So on Tuesday I decided to give the said frock its first outing. I did look rather fetching I have to say. I spent the day carrying out a number of home visits. As I left my final visit the heavens opened and when I say opened they poured buckets. I was drenched through to the skin.

I could have wrung my lovely new frock out like a dish cloth. Accompanied  by much squishing and sloshing I headed home. Oh the relief when I got out of my soggy attire. Unfortunately this soon turned to concern when I noticed my entire mid section was a startling shade of azure blue.  The dye from my lovely frock had run and I now matched the lining perfectly. So I was slightly miffed that after two showers and lots of scrubbing , (I have to say I was buffed to perfection and silky smooth), my mid section still had a lustrous blue hue. I headed off to the shop from where I purchased the frock.

Handing the frock to the counter assistant I explained my 'mishap'. Examining it she scanned the label. "Madam I'm sorry but this dress is dry clean only." she announced.

"Yes dear I am aware of that, but I didn't put it in the washing machine" I replied

"Being dry clean only it means you should not get it wet"

"I got caught in the rain"

She looked at me over the rims of her Dolce and Gabbana spectacles, and hmmed loudly. "I will have to get the Manageress, I can't deal with this," she said and she retreated into the back of the shop holding my frock at arm's length.

The Manageress appeared and eyed me slowly, (it was the kind of shop that likes to cater to a certain class of clientele), in my somewhat bedraggled state I clearly did not pass muster. "Madam I cannot possibly reimburse you for this purchase, it clearly states dry clean only and you have got the dress wet." she said handing the soggy frock back to me with a look of disdain.

"But it was not my fault," I demanded, "I got caught in the rain,"

"then you should have taken shelter" she replied.

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, perhaps I should have hammered on a door requesting they let me in, 'help! help! it's an emergency, I need assistance, it's raining and my frock is DRY CLEAN ONLY', " I said somewhat sarcastically. She was not amused.

"Madam our returns policy does not cover 'acts of nature'."

"What about terrorism?" I enquired


"Actually I was mistaken, it was not the rain, it was the Physioterrorist suspect I was visiting who unbeknown to me had been in the process of making a water bomb, which turned out to be unstable and unfortunately detonated as I reached for a current bun." I replied triumphantly. Her glare instantly froze the soggy frock in my hands and it was clear that the returns policy did not cover 'acts of terrorism' either.

You will be pleased to note that both I and the frock have now dried out and we shall enjoy future outings together only after checking the weather forecast.

16 at confession:

Maggie May said...

That was a bit unreasonable to say the least!
Can't go anywhere over here without the possibility of getting drenched!
Stick to your guns, I would.

Nuts in May

Beth said...

I think some of the clerks in such stores are terrorists in their own unique way.
Are you still a lovely shade of blue?

Jimmy Bastard said...

Such restraint from such an obvious lady. I'm sure your hard earned cash will not pass across their counter again for quite a while.

So.. about this python.

St Jude said...

Maggie May - It would take a tank to shift that manageress.

Beth - Actually I do still have some rather lovely blue dappling here and there.

Jimmy B - Firstly it is so lovely to hear from you again. No I will not be going back there again. And the python, hmm... one day I promise I will tell all.

tNb said...

Blue is the new ... you?

Kim Ayres said...

You should have turned up before your (2nd) shower and threatened to expose your blue belly to all who would frequent the shop unless they caved in to your demands

Wandering Coyote said...

Oh my God! What you should have done - and yes, hindsight is 20/20 - is not scrubbed your mid-section and pulled up your shirt for the manageress to show her your blue skin! I wonder how she would have reacted to that?!

Ah, I see Kim Ayres had a similar idea. Great minds think alike!

Charlie said...

"Do you ever feel like the forces are conspiring against you?"

Did the Manageress resemble Darth Vader in any, shape, or form? Voice, perhaps?

I'm glad that you don't belong to that "certain class of clientele"--snobs all--and belong to your own "somewhat" sarcastic class.

I'm so happy you're back, Saint.

Stinkypaw said...

Sorry you're so blue... but it did make for a good story!

I think it's also fascinating (to me, maybe) that a frock to you is a dress and to me, on this side of the pond, it is a leather or jean jacket...

St Jude said...

tNB - I think I carry the blue shade rather well.

Kim / Wandering Coyote - On reflection I agree, but perhaps they would have called security, I don't think they do 'mid sections'.

Charlie - she definitely had some force with her and there are some who would say that I am in a class of my own.

Sorry I've been away, has anyone else had problems with blogger, it's been denying me access lately?

Stinkypaw - Oh it's a good job I didn't turn out in just one of your frocks! That would have given the neighbours a scare.

DUTA said...

I'm surprised this kind of garment requires dry cleaning; usually the instructions say: hand wash , cold water, separate wash, no spinning.

Madame DeFarge said...

One should always have one's chauffeur on hand to carry one's brolly to mitigate against such a mishap. I'm surprised they didn't tell you that when you bought the dress.

Brett said...

Just made you my blog of the week, there is a little write up and an award you can copy and paste on to your blog if you want to.

St Jude said...

Duta - partly my fault I never even looked at the label.

Madame DF - Good Chauffers are so hard to find these days don't you think.

Brett - Oh, oh I am honoured, and excited and well deary me I feel a tad giddy. THANK YOU.

Laura Jane Williams said...

This is a really great post, St Jude. How darling to meet your acquiantance (*air kisses*) x

St Jude said...

Laura Jane - thank you and it's lovely to meet you. hugs back.

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